Fainting, Dying of Exhaustion

I’m no where near I need to be with God. There is such a sweeter closer more intimate place I could be with Jesus. And so instead of getting depressed about it, only by God’s grace, I have this deep-seated something that pushes against my chest like when you miss someone you love. In fact the phrase “deep-seated” is actually used to described a feeling or thoughts that are so rooted, so infiltrated into you, that they can’t be dislodged, moved, shaken or changed. The phrase also depicts kingship. A king sits. On His throne. And rules from that position. It is a position of authority. On a whole other level than you’re Dad’s favourite chair.

Anyway, so having a “deep-seated” desire or emotion or longing means that thing is so deep, so hardcore, so serious, so overwhelming that it controls, rules and has authority over you. So as I said, its important that we get deep-seated about our need to be intimate with God. Put aside the rules and regulations, do and donts, put aside sabbath programmes and worship styles, in fact put aside all the stuff that’s a nice to have. Focus on that one thing. What is that thing?

So Rumbi gave me this compilation with Donnie and Joanne Rossario “Satsify my soul.. With the best, with the fullness”. There is a part which is sung in spanish

Mi alma desfallece
por tu presencia
Mi alma desfallece
por tu poder
Mi alma desfallece
por tu gloria

My soul faints after You
seeking Your presence
My soul faints after You
seeking Your power
My soul faints after You
seeking Your glory

In fact in spanish – the word “desfallecer” means to to grow weak, to become weak to the point of collapse, “faint-from exhaustion” or to OVER-exert yourself beyond your body’s ability to handle it or sustain it. Literally die of exhaustion

These two singers pull out the lyrics from this track from David;s Pslams 84 where David says
1 How lovely is Your tabernacle,
O LORD of hosts!
2 My soul longs, yes, even faints
For the courts of the LORD;
My heart and my flesh cry out for the living God.

See David wants God so much, that his soul or his heart cant take the strain from it. His body and his heart and his entire flesh his being “cry out” for the living God. Imagine desiring God to the point where your body physically “grows weak” or “becomes exhausted” to the point of collapse. And its not even from fasting or such. Just… (have you ever loved someone like that?… I betchu have, no appetite, no sleep.. Needing them to be with you but they cant. And when you do see them your body starts shaking, you sweat (ok apparently ladies perspire), your lips quiver, you cant string to words let alone two sentences together?! And this is when they’re still approaching you or that first couple of minutes when you hug. Like when you see each other at the airport and he(she) comes through customs. And laughter bursts out of you with relief then the abrupt silence then the non-sensical chatting that follows and neither one of you can remember what you wanted to say.)

That’s why I started by email by saying I am no where near where God wants me to be as a worshipper. And that’s the focus. Forget the day, the style, the content, just that deep-seated groaning in your gut. The way two lovers long for each other after being apart for so long.

So the song (you gotta hear) ends by saying

“With my faith… I reach for you”
“With my faith … I will touch you”
“My miracle I WILL receive”
“… And I know that I will never be the same!”

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This is my prayer –
Father Lord Jesus, I don’t want to ever be the same! I wish I had David’s spirit of worship but I don’t. Please, Father, if You are willing, you can give me that same spirit. That leaves me panting after you. Fainting after your glory. I don’t want power, or riches or status or any such thing. I just want You to show me just how much You love me. I want to be sure that I am a son of the Living God. I want to be allowed into You holy flawless, blameless, perfected pure presence. That’s it, That’s all I want. A touch from My Father. Let me see your Shekinah Glory Father, then I don’t even need heaven or eternity! If I may see You, just once then it can all end and never even resurrect me. If I can see You just once, sinner that I am, if Your grace is real then its nothing You cant do. Let me see it like Moses, Your Glory- in Jesus name

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